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He's Really Gone...

New Boo came by this morning and picked up his stuff. He got a U-Haul and took everything I didn't want out of my house.

It's all gone.

I should be relieved. Actually, I am. I thought he was coming here to try to weasel his way back into my house. And here's the killer -- I was actually prepared to let him. Then he comes here and acts like a man with the man I fell in love with.


I have to admit, I've spent a little time in tears today, but it's different. I told him I was proud of him for finally being a man of his word. And I am. I'm glad to see that he's trying to be a better person. I'm also glad that he's been thinking about who and what he is and how is actions have affected not just me, but all of the people in his life.

It looks like he's on his way to bigger and better things. So am I.

But I can't lie...this is more than I bargained for and more than I'm ready for.

He's really gone...

The bright side, though, is -- as he put it -- "At least we're still alive. As long as we're still breathing, we have another chance..."

Gotta love him...


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Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

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As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.