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Reality...or Something Like It

I miss him and I hate him.

That's about the sum total of my feelings right now.

It's so sad to me that a love that was so vibrant and sweet could end up like this. The thing that makes it so awful to me is that I still have a lot of love for him. But he's purposed it in his heart that my love is to be avoided like the plague.

I wish I could turn it off...this love I have for him. It would make my life a lot less complicated. But I can't.

My brother was talking to us about his wife. She's upset because he doesn't tell her things like, "I miss you." The way he sees it, if he didn't miss her, he wouldn't come home. Furthermore, the fact that he married her supersedes all the other trivial things.

I want to pull my new sister-in-law to the side and tell her my story. How I bent over backwards trying to please a man who had no intention of being with me forever. I want to share with her how many woman do everything in their power to get a man to do what my brother's doing for her to no avail. I want her to understand how hard it is in these streets and how words don't mean half as much as actions.

Right now, New Boo's actions are saying very clearly that he has no interest in me or anything concerning me. That's painful. But it's my new reality.

I want to keep it from becoming my sister-in-law's.


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