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I am so tired.

I can't believe I fell for the okie-dole again, but I did. And now I'm tired. I don't want to cry anymore, but I can't help it.

I was trying to watch TV this afternoon. "Sex and the City" is one of my favorite shows, and there's usually a marathon on Saturdays. I was watching when I saw Miranda and Steve. She was telling him that she was scared for him to move in with her, but she didn't want to lose him.

I lost it. Started crying and had to turn it off.

Now I may truly have to hate him. After all, he's cutting into to my TV time. And that's not fair.

I haven't heard from him since that last text. I accidentally sent him a repeat text, but he still didn't respond. Not that I expected him to...

I am so tired of trying. Tired of feeling. I just need to do. Not sure what because I don't feel like moving or anything. I want to cry, but I don't think he's worth it. I guess that's the only way to get it out, though.

If I can EVER get away from this feeling, I promise myself right now that I won't go through this again. I promise I'm going to stop opening my heart -- and DEFINITELY my legs -- to any Tom, Dick, or Harry. Unless a man proves himself to me -- and I mean REALLY prove -- I'm just going to smile and be done.

Just because I'm not going to open myself up doesn't mean I have to be rude about it, right?

Who knows? This may be the best thing ever to happen to me. Maybe I'll learn how to be more discerning. Maybe I'll figure out what I need to do in relationships. Or maybe, I'll finally get the whole dating process.

Or maybe I'll just be able to move past this particular episode of MackDiva Foolishness.

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Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.