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I am so tired.

I can't believe I fell for the okie-dole again, but I did. And now I'm tired. I don't want to cry anymore, but I can't help it.

I was trying to watch TV this afternoon. "Sex and the City" is one of my favorite shows, and there's usually a marathon on Saturdays. I was watching when I saw Miranda and Steve. She was telling him that she was scared for him to move in with her, but she didn't want to lose him.

I lost it. Started crying and had to turn it off.

Now I may truly have to hate him. After all, he's cutting into to my TV time. And that's not fair.

I haven't heard from him since that last text. I accidentally sent him a repeat text, but he still didn't respond. Not that I expected him to...

I am so tired of trying. Tired of feeling. I just need to do. Not sure what because I don't feel like moving or anything. I want to cry, but I don't think he's worth it. I guess that's the only way to get it out, though.

If I can EVER get away from this feeling, I promise myself right now that I won't go through this again. I promise I'm going to stop opening my heart -- and DEFINITELY my legs -- to any Tom, Dick, or Harry. Unless a man proves himself to me -- and I mean REALLY prove -- I'm just going to smile and be done.

Just because I'm not going to open myself up doesn't mean I have to be rude about it, right?

Who knows? This may be the best thing ever to happen to me. Maybe I'll learn how to be more discerning. Maybe I'll figure out what I need to do in relationships. Or maybe, I'll finally get the whole dating process.

Or maybe I'll just be able to move past this particular episode of MackDiva Foolishness.

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…