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Ultimatum

So I finally gave New Boo an ultimatum. He's got to get his stuff from my house.

It's been a month and he's made no moves to get his belongings. I know it's only because he knows I won't throw the stuff out. I have been making small strides toward it, though. His toothbrush and shower sponge are gone. But I'm not mean enough to get rid of his things.

So I told him that he needed to get it out this week. Unbeknownst to him, I'm off after today. He claims he won't be able to get it until next Monday. Ugh!!!

One more week with New Boo's things packed neatly in my closet.

In other news, one of the places we used to go -- that we discovered together -- got blown up last year in the East Village explosion. Now they're crowdfunding to open again.

Between that tidbit of news and what I'm having to do about his stuff, I'm drowning in tears again.

I know that this grief thing is a process...but I really do wish it would go faster...

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I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.