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Changing the Scene...

I had to get out of this house. It was too much for me to stay here because I was just crying all the time. Fortunately, I was able to escape to a friend's house. Can I just say that the change of scenery did me good? It gave me some perspective on this situation.

Don't think that I'm over New Boo. But I'm beginning to see what was obvious to everyone but me -- New Boo did the best he could to love me. But in the end, I was just too much for him.

My friend explained it like this -- "You are a quart and he is a pint. No matter how wonderful and filling that pint is, it will never fill up a quart. And that's not the pint's fault. It's just the way it is."

That really helped me. I'm not sure why, but it did.

Like I said...I still love him dearly. But I'm beginning to get over the idea of us being together. He's making that really easy because he's not contacting me. I don't like that, but it's something I have to accept.

Now I just need him to get his things from my house so that we can truly live as two single people.

Oh...and the decorating process has started. I bought this pillow for my couch.
It's how I hope to feel very, very soon.


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I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

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My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…


So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.