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Like I said before, the grief over losing New Boo comes and goes. It was gone for a few days, but now it's back with a vengeance.

I haven't heard from him since Monday. That makes me so sad. I'm trying not to be, but I can't help it. I don't feel like we're friends because of all that's transpired between us. But I'm still concerned about him.

Honestly, I think he's probably found the next chick, which is why I don't rank high on his list of priorities. As painful as it is to think, knowing's probably true.

But here's my reality -- I'm not through loving him.

I've dated guys that I was through with by the time it was over. I had my emotions neatly packed away, so all was well when I left. Because of the way this thing went down, I didn't have that opportunity.

Now I'm out here...emotions flapping in the wind.

And please know -- I'm well aware that there's no going back once a man says, "I like you. I like doing things with you. But I don't want to be in a committed relationship with you."

I do get it. At least I do fundamentally.

But logistically, I'm not through with him. I haven't grown tired of looking at his face. I look forward to seeing him come in the door. I really miss that. I want to cook for him. All the habits I picked up with him, I want to continue those.

But I can't. Because he's gone. And I'm not through yet.

I have more meals to cook. More TV shows to watch with him. More Taco Tuesdays to enjoy.

I'm not through. But he's definitely through with me.

So I fight the tears as long as I can, and then I let them flow when I'm alone at night trying to understand why I'm alone again. How I can reconcile the fact that I put my all into something only to have it crash and burn again.

I feel like the kid who wants to play so badly, but has no one to play with. No one wants to be my friend, and I don't understand why. I'm a person like everyone else, but I'm destined to be alone right now.

And it hurts like hell. I wish I'd never given my heart. But I did. And now...I'm not through.


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The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…