Skip to main content

Making Love

Making love is an inaccurate term. Contrary to popular belief, love isn't manufactured in times of physical nakedness.

Love comes when people get emotionally naked with each other and share their souls. It happens when two people become vulnerable with each other. They create a safe, trusting space to become one in spirit, and each person's sense of loyalty allows them to keep the other's sensitive information under lock and key.

The more I think about what the problem was with New Boo, I realize we never made love. We had sex and I loved him. I can't say for sure that he loved me, but I know together we didn't have the kind of sustaining love we needed to make it last.

I was willing to bare my soul to him and I did. He made it seem like the space was safe. He shared things with me, too, but he was never vulnerable to me. And he never reciprocated the love I gave to him.

During our first few blissful months, I remember feeling that he wasn't as affectionate with me as he wanted me to be with him. I wanted him to touch me like I touched him. I think I told him about it, but it never really changed.

Here's what's funny to me. One of his homeboys is getting married this weekend. The guy met the girl through his brother, and they talked via Skype for a couple of months. When he went home, he met the girl in person and within two weeks, he had proposed. 

New Boo was like, "There's no way those two are getting married. He doesn't know her well enough." He lied to get out of being the guy's best man, and he was convinced that it wasn't gonna happen. He just knew that we'd tied the knot before they did. 

Now look at us. He saw me every day and he decided that I wasn't worth it. And he knew how much I loved him.

Again...they clearly were making love -- even long-distance. We slept in the same bed every night and couldn't get it right.


Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Yeah...About That...

I'm watching Scandal, and Mellie was talking about how lonely it is to be the president. She spoke about how men have a problem with regular powerful women, but being the leader of the free world comes with a chastity belt.
I get it.
I'm nowhere near the leader of the free world. I'm not even the leader of free lunch, but I get it. If men perceive you to have one more drop of power than they do, they can't handle it.
This is my life. At least it is when it comes to the men I've known.
It's not even like that for me.
I don't even have enough juice to get what I want at work.
But yet I'm seen as intimidating.