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I Am Going to Learn...

So, I finally heard from New Boo. After almost a week.

After a little small talk, he asked me if I was going to be at home this evening. I said I probably would, but I didn't commit to it either way. He implied that he was coming over after work.

It is now an hour after his store closed, and I haven't heard from him. I categorically refuse to ask if he's coming because if he really wants to come, he knows the drill.

So why am I telling you this?

Because even though I want to play the hard role, I was kinda looking forward to seeing him. But I will NOT beg him anymore. When we were dating, I thought it was okay. Now, not so much.

More than anything, I hate myself for getting my hopes when I know good and well that he's a liar who only wants to yank my chain from time to time. I know better...and yet, I'm disappointed.

I swear I'm gonna learn. Hopefully today.

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I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

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