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Wallowing

When I told my mom about breaking up with New Boo, she told me that I'd probably be over this thing in two weeks -- IF I didn't wallow.

I think I might be wallowing.

There are days that start off okay. I get out of bed and I don't think about the fact that I'm lonely. But inevitably, something will remind me of my single status and I'll start crying all over again.

Today, it was takeout food and cooking shows.

Since he's been gone, I really haven't felt like cooking. I got used to preparing food for both of us. But now that it's just me, I don't always feel like going through the trouble. So I order takeout. And it makes me sad because I live in the hood, which means that healthy food won't come knocking at the door. After a lunch of bad Chinese, I was sad. Add to that an afternoon of Food Network programming, and I'm in tears.

I spent the last two nights at work so I wouldn't be here alone. But I don't want to go out again. I just want to be here and rest and do laundry and live.

And I will. I know I will. I'm actually determined to spend a whole day here -- even though it's hot.

I'll also try to cook. For me. Might as well.

Straight up, I don't want to wallow. New Boo isn't worth it.

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…