Skip to main content

The Final Straw...

I am so stupid.

Here I was thinking New Boo had love for me and wanted to be with me. All he wanted was a place to crash.

How do I know this?

I came home from work Friday morning to find all of his stuff -- the bags he showed up with at 4 in the morning -- gone. I was like, "Uh...what just happened here?" I called him to find out. He said that he took it to storage.

That was Lie #1. That fool was NOT taking anything to storage before work. But okay...if we're giving the benefit of the doubt, let's go with that. He took his toothbrush to storage???

Yeah, right.

I asked if he was coming home. He said, "I'll let you know later." My question was, why can't you let me know now? He was like, "Don't you have something to do?" No...I don't.

My original plan was to sit down and talk to him like an adult because -- for the first time since he showed up here this time -- I was going to be off work. He knew that, which is why he wanted to head for the hills.

Let's face it -- he was just using me until someplace else opened up for him to stay. But he wasn't man enough to tell me that, and he wasn't man enough to let me know he wasn't coming back.

At first I asked him to come home. Then I gave him an ultimatum. I said, "If you don't come here tonight, don't come here again."

Then I thought about it. I thought about the level of disrespect it took for him to just pack up his things and go without saying a word -- not even a text goodbye. He has absolutely no love, no respect, no nothing for me.  And now, I'm done for real.

I sent him a text saying, "You know what? Don't bother coming back to my house. Ever. The disrespect you've shown this time is truly the last straw. I'm done."

And with that, I'm going about the business of reclaiming my life.

I think I hate him.

I never thought I'd be able to say that word toward him and mean it, but I really believe I do.

How do you take someone's heart and good intentions and just walk all over them like they mean nothing? How do you deceive someone who cares for you? How do you treat someone like yesterday's garbage when they've bent over backwards to be a friend?

At the end of the day, losing the romance is secondary. I lost someone I considered a friend.

I thought he cared about me the same way I cared about him. I thought my well-being was his priority like his was mine. When he said he missed me, I believed him.

Even though I knew it was risky, I still held out hope that one day he'd see my heart and love me, too. 

Clearly, I was delusional.

I understand that people who hurt tend to hurt others. I know that it's hard to love others when you don't love yourself. And yet, I tried to believe that he could push all that aside because I was good to him and gave of myself to him.

What I fool I was. Operative word -- WAS. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.

Post Mortem on The Breakup

So...I told you that I'd finally given My Teddy Bear the boot...

...Or so I thought.

Apparently I didn't use the right words when I gave him his walking papers. He's under the impression that we're "on a break" and that we're still together.

 That is NOT the impression I wanted to give him.

But what do you say when a man is sobbing?

I said, "Let's just step back and heal ourselves and revisit this later." What I should've said was, "It's been fun, but I'm done, son."

Now he wants to talk to me. In person. I don't want to.

But if I do...I have something to say. He won't like it.

What I want to say is that we've all experienced loss. The difference is that we don't wallow in it. We know how to mourn the loss and move on. We never forget, but we release the pain of it and learn to treasure the time we had with the person.

What I found is that he wallows. That's why he eats the way he does. Instead of mo…