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The Final Straw...

I am so stupid.

Here I was thinking New Boo had love for me and wanted to be with me. All he wanted was a place to crash.

How do I know this?

I came home from work Friday morning to find all of his stuff -- the bags he showed up with at 4 in the morning -- gone. I was like, "Uh...what just happened here?" I called him to find out. He said that he took it to storage.

That was Lie #1. That fool was NOT taking anything to storage before work. But okay...if we're giving the benefit of the doubt, let's go with that. He took his toothbrush to storage???

Yeah, right.

I asked if he was coming home. He said, "I'll let you know later." My question was, why can't you let me know now? He was like, "Don't you have something to do?" No...I don't.

My original plan was to sit down and talk to him like an adult because -- for the first time since he showed up here this time -- I was going to be off work. He knew that, which is why he wanted to head for the hills.

Let's face it -- he was just using me until someplace else opened up for him to stay. But he wasn't man enough to tell me that, and he wasn't man enough to let me know he wasn't coming back.

At first I asked him to come home. Then I gave him an ultimatum. I said, "If you don't come here tonight, don't come here again."

Then I thought about it. I thought about the level of disrespect it took for him to just pack up his things and go without saying a word -- not even a text goodbye. He has absolutely no love, no respect, no nothing for me.  And now, I'm done for real.

I sent him a text saying, "You know what? Don't bother coming back to my house. Ever. The disrespect you've shown this time is truly the last straw. I'm done."

And with that, I'm going about the business of reclaiming my life.

I think I hate him.

I never thought I'd be able to say that word toward him and mean it, but I really believe I do.

How do you take someone's heart and good intentions and just walk all over them like they mean nothing? How do you deceive someone who cares for you? How do you treat someone like yesterday's garbage when they've bent over backwards to be a friend?

At the end of the day, losing the romance is secondary. I lost someone I considered a friend.

I thought he cared about me the same way I cared about him. I thought my well-being was his priority like his was mine. When he said he missed me, I believed him.

Even though I knew it was risky, I still held out hope that one day he'd see my heart and love me, too. 

Clearly, I was delusional.

I understand that people who hurt tend to hurt others. I know that it's hard to love others when you don't love yourself. And yet, I tried to believe that he could push all that aside because I was good to him and gave of myself to him.

What I fool I was. Operative word -- WAS. 


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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.