Skip to main content

New Boo Moves On...

New Boo has a new boo.

My homegirl told me that his homeboy let it slip.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

I guess what hurts me most is that I thought what we had was real. I thought he loved me like he said he did. If, in fact, he loved me at all, he couldn't move on this fast. 

Clearly we were in different relationships. Which means that while I'm devastated, he's moving on.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

Here I am, mourning the loss of the best relationship ever. And clearly none of it was real for him. He just played the role long enough to get over on me. And the bad part is that I'm not the only one he bamboozled and hoodwinked.

He lied to his friends, too. He told his former roommate that he couldn't pay him his back rent because he was paying bills at my house. He told me he couldn't help me out because he was paying bills at the other house. At the end of the day, he wasn't paying anyone but the bartender.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

I tried so hard to be the best girlfriend I could possibly be to him. I bent over backwards to make his life comfortable. Meanwhile, when my money got funny and I started expecting things from him, he couldn't handle it. He didn't mind being on the receiving end of everything I brought in and did, but he didn't want to share with me.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

I guess the best way to sum this thing up is this -- he created an illusion of a man and a relationship that I completely bought. And I'm having a hard time giving it up because I just can't believe that a person could be that intense with me and then just flip the script. And the more I think about it, maybe I was the intense one who couldn't see past what I was going through.

Either way, I'm now stuck in a moment in time that clearly wasn't real.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

After all we went through, I can't imagine dating someone else right now. So I'm kinda galled that he can. But again...I loved him. It didn't follow that he loved me. And again...I'm caught out there in my feelings.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am. I really, really am.

He asked me once if I hated him. I told him I could never hate him. I think I might've spoken too soon. Inasmuch as I don't want to, everything that's happening is making that possible.

I still pray for him. I still want him to be happy. And until I found out about his new boo, I still had hope that one day, we could've been together.

Now I have to face the fact that it's really, really over. And he's really, really awful. I was hoping against hope for a different outcome.

I'm trying not to be upset, but it's no use. I am very, very upset. And I'm going to cry really, really hard. Then hopefully, I'll dry my tears and reconcile myself to my new reality.

Single. Alone. Brokenhearted. But mending...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…
Post a Comment
Read more

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…
Post a Comment
Read more

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.
Post a Comment
Read more