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New Boo Moves On...

New Boo has a new boo.

My homegirl told me that his homeboy let it slip.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

I guess what hurts me most is that I thought what we had was real. I thought he loved me like he said he did. If, in fact, he loved me at all, he couldn't move on this fast. 

Clearly we were in different relationships. Which means that while I'm devastated, he's moving on.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

Here I am, mourning the loss of the best relationship ever. And clearly none of it was real for him. He just played the role long enough to get over on me. And the bad part is that I'm not the only one he bamboozled and hoodwinked.

He lied to his friends, too. He told his former roommate that he couldn't pay him his back rent because he was paying bills at my house. He told me he couldn't help me out because he was paying bills at the other house. At the end of the day, he wasn't paying anyone but the bartender.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

I tried so hard to be the best girlfriend I could possibly be to him. I bent over backwards to make his life comfortable. Meanwhile, when my money got funny and I started expecting things from him, he couldn't handle it. He didn't mind being on the receiving end of everything I brought in and did, but he didn't want to share with me.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

I guess the best way to sum this thing up is this -- he created an illusion of a man and a relationship that I completely bought. And I'm having a hard time giving it up because I just can't believe that a person could be that intense with me and then just flip the script. And the more I think about it, maybe I was the intense one who couldn't see past what I was going through.

Either way, I'm now stuck in a moment in time that clearly wasn't real.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

After all we went through, I can't imagine dating someone else right now. So I'm kinda galled that he can. But again...I loved him. It didn't follow that he loved me. And again...I'm caught out there in my feelings.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am. I really, really am.

He asked me once if I hated him. I told him I could never hate him. I think I might've spoken too soon. Inasmuch as I don't want to, everything that's happening is making that possible.

I still pray for him. I still want him to be happy. And until I found out about his new boo, I still had hope that one day, we could've been together.

Now I have to face the fact that it's really, really over. And he's really, really awful. I was hoping against hope for a different outcome.

I'm trying not to be upset, but it's no use. I am very, very upset. And I'm going to cry really, really hard. Then hopefully, I'll dry my tears and reconcile myself to my new reality.

Single. Alone. Brokenhearted. But mending...

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Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.