Skip to main content

New Boo Moves On...

New Boo has a new boo.

My homegirl told me that his homeboy let it slip.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

I guess what hurts me most is that I thought what we had was real. I thought he loved me like he said he did. If, in fact, he loved me at all, he couldn't move on this fast. 

Clearly we were in different relationships. Which means that while I'm devastated, he's moving on.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

Here I am, mourning the loss of the best relationship ever. And clearly none of it was real for him. He just played the role long enough to get over on me. And the bad part is that I'm not the only one he bamboozled and hoodwinked.

He lied to his friends, too. He told his former roommate that he couldn't pay him his back rent because he was paying bills at my house. He told me he couldn't help me out because he was paying bills at the other house. At the end of the day, he wasn't paying anyone but the bartender.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

I tried so hard to be the best girlfriend I could possibly be to him. I bent over backwards to make his life comfortable. Meanwhile, when my money got funny and I started expecting things from him, he couldn't handle it. He didn't mind being on the receiving end of everything I brought in and did, but he didn't want to share with me.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

I guess the best way to sum this thing up is this -- he created an illusion of a man and a relationship that I completely bought. And I'm having a hard time giving it up because I just can't believe that a person could be that intense with me and then just flip the script. And the more I think about it, maybe I was the intense one who couldn't see past what I was going through.

Either way, I'm now stuck in a moment in time that clearly wasn't real.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am.

After all we went through, I can't imagine dating someone else right now. So I'm kinda galled that he can. But again...I loved him. It didn't follow that he loved me. And again...I'm caught out there in my feelings.

I'm trying not to be upset, but I am. I really, really am.

He asked me once if I hated him. I told him I could never hate him. I think I might've spoken too soon. Inasmuch as I don't want to, everything that's happening is making that possible.

I still pray for him. I still want him to be happy. And until I found out about his new boo, I still had hope that one day, we could've been together.

Now I have to face the fact that it's really, really over. And he's really, really awful. I was hoping against hope for a different outcome.

I'm trying not to be upset, but it's no use. I am very, very upset. And I'm going to cry really, really hard. Then hopefully, I'll dry my tears and reconcile myself to my new reality.

Single. Alone. Brokenhearted. But mending...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…

Now What?

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I am having issues right now.

First of all, I'm realizing some things about myself that I really don't like admitting. For one, I am NOT satisfied with My Teddy Bear. Why, you ask? Because sex isn't a priority with him.

Some people drink. Some smoke. I like to have sex. It quiets the voices in my head that talk crazy to me. For those brief, shining moments, I get to be the best of me. I'm beautiful, sexy, and desirable. No matter how fat I am, in that moment I'm able to make someone else feel good. That makes me feel good. Also,  I know how to relate on that level, so everything that I perceive to be wrong with me goes out the window.

MTB doesn't know this. Even though I've always felt this way, I don't talk about it. Most of the guys I know actually want sex. They probably use it the way I do -- as a feel-good situation.

Things with New Boo weren't like that. We had a real connection. Or at least I thought we…

The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…